Journeyers, it’s been an equally tough and exhilarating week.
My daughter is (still) going through that pulling away phase (and likely will for many years to come…)
My daughter cavorts all over town, to lunch and movies and outings with friends and other family members, and yet, I cannot get her to commit to any mother-daughter time.
I’ve been feeling used up; you know that feeling, right?
That feeling when Mom is good enough to take care of her daughter when she’s sick, to chauffer her around, to wash her clothes and feed her cat and clean up after said animal during the time Daughter’s been incapacitated since her surgery. But not quite good enough for lunch or bra shopping dates…
Now that I put it that way, it sounds kind of silly…
Damn! Growing up hurts sometimes…
Most of the time I can remember what Hank said to me all those years ago, “Just keep doing what you’re doing, Annah, your children will see any injustice for what it is, they will wake up and recognize all that you’ve done, and they’ll thank you.” Okay, so something like that…
Fave is slowly coming into those things…
And I desperately want to believe Beauty will, too…
Warren’s counselor told him that the mother-daughter issues can be very painful as girls mature into young women…
I guess I don’t remember experiencing any of that with my own mother, though I’m guessing it must have been there on some level…
I printed off Glennon Melton’s recent letter about the conversation she had with her daughter on what it means to be beautiful, and I gave it to my daughter…
It’s what I’ve been trying to explain to Beauty (it sums up WHO SHE IS, what I call her “drop dead gorgeous insides” BEAUTIFULLY!!) but Glennon presented it in the most poetic and lyrical and gentlest way…
I don’t think my daughter even took the time to look at it…if she did, she didn’t comment…
Hmmmm…I might sense a hint of codependency in the feelings behind that statement…
I really do need to finish that book…
I don’t know, maybe my hormones are just whacked out…and I have been feeling like I’ve been staving off the bug that Warren and Beauty and Big Guy had…
I’ve just felt so depleted this past week and have had a hard time remembering the positive…
Resentment towards Warren has re-surfaced, for I can’t help feel that had not all of the dysfunction existed, my relationship mightn’t be quite so strained and awkward.
And to make it worse, he forgot about several of his obligations to the business details this week, reverting to old habits of coming home and plopping into his recliner to watch cartoons or crime shows or South Park or to play video games with our little cherubs while I have been in the office taking care of those details that keep the lights on and the mortgage paid.
But then, there are these few things that, coupled with a few doses of Excedrin migraine, have staved off a raging headache after the bouts of crying and ranting…
I now have a calendar of events!
On Friday, I finally made it all the way through all sixteen minutes and twenty seconds of my TEDxSFA speech without using my notes!
I presented said speech to Warren and two close friends of ours last night, and I made it all the way through with only two minor hiccups!
And, not only will I have cover art for my memoir Digging for the Light very soon, it looks like the publication date is being moved up by several months!
Look for it sometime in late January or early February!
And, then, after a very rough start to this morning, yoga…a nice, easy, mind-chatter-quieting two hours of breath and stretching and turning my focus inward toward that central energy source…
Namaste, Journeyers…
Thank you for being here, for lending “an ear,” and for making a difference in the world by honoring your own happy, for when we tap into that energy, it ripples out from us and onto all those with whom we connect…